“All we have is Now”

It occurred to me a while ago of how much we usually value our lives and cannot give it up for anything except of course when we’re depressed and killing oneself is the only thought in mind. It’s not that we are living our life to the fullest each day. The most we do on most days is exist, survive. But it’s crazy how much we fear death and the idea of not being around anymore sends a chill down our spines even though we complain about our lives on a daily basis. Imagine if we were to actually perish every time we told a friend “I’m done with my life.”

I don’t know how many lives are lost every single day in accidents and unforeseen mishaps when everything falls apart within hours and minutes. Everything which seemed perfectly normal suddenly turns the whole game around and all we’re left with is “What could have been done” and “What could have been said”.

Every day while coming to College my bus passes by the Mallya Hospital and looking at the tensed faces in and around the building makes me realize how some of us are privileged enough to be walking around doing work while some lie on hospital beds fighting between life and death, between here and nowhere, between being present and becoming a past.

“The trouble is, you think you have time.” Buddha said it. People heard it. But I’m not sure how many comprehend it. Every night when we sleep, we aren’t even sure if we’ll see the rising Sun. But we think we have time. Every day we think, “I should talk to this person. He seems nice. “Tomorrow maybe”. We think we have time. Every afternoon we think of trying the new restaurant in our locality. “Next week for sure”. We think we have time.  We cannot be sure about our results, cannot be sure if our favourite team will win tomorrow’s match but I wonder how we are so sure we’ll see all our loved ones after six months or they’ll see us.

I sometimes laugh at how many plans we make for the future, only hinged on the hope that we’ll live to see that day. I wonder how many such plans and dreams died in the Manchester suicide bombing incident recently.

I read this somewhere. Let me ask you. “If your life ended right now, could you honestly say you lived it the way you wanted”? Alas! I wonder how few of y’all answered yes.

I won’t conclude by saying “Live your life man!”, “YOLO”, “Go out there and do it!” because all they give you are 10 second highs which eventually recede without even hangovers! xD

But something I’m sure all of us can do is believe in the little things. All our lives we wait for big occasions, glamorous events, planned meet ups, far away destinations and often in the process neglect the daily family dinners, sudden visits, impromptu journeys and the regular canteen chai with friends.

Maybe it’s time we stop worrying about tomorrow as though it’s guaranteed. Maybe it’s time we know that it’s not important to give time some time but make the most of it now. Maybe it’s time we start realizing that every breath, every blink and every heartbeat is a gift. Maybe it’s time we stop hating and spreading hate. And maybe it’s time we appreciate what we have and not ponder about what we don’t. You never know where the full stop to your story is.

Because after all,

“This world is a stage and we’re all actors,

Not everyone’s part ends with a Ciao.

Love whatever you got, live however you desire,

Coz darling, all we have is right now”.

 

 

“I killed myself”

On a footpath of a street she lay,

It was dark outside her and inside.

Bruised hands, cut lips, dying soul,

She didn’t remember how much she had cried.

 

At the time he had left her and gone

And she hadn’t been ready for a goodbye.

But to him what had mattered was his career,

And she was what he called a pastime.

 

And how much she had cried at the time

Her parents said they were ashamed,

To have a daughter like her in this world

Who couldn’t ever keep up their name.

 

And cried at the time she had no one,

No one who would understand her plight.

Because everyone thought they had enough worries

And hers was maybe something simple and light.

 

And as she lay, almost unconscious

With all the turmoil in her head,

She decided that it was time now,

To lay herself to eternal rest.

 

To put an end to all the misery,

To put an end to all the pain.

To put an end to the cyclone inside her,

And never ever let it rise again.

 

“And that lonely night, I killed myself

I killed that girl who could see no reason to live.

And gave birth to a new life

Who had so much more to give.

 

I was born a girl with no parents

And a girl who had fallen for no one.

I was born without anything but the torn clothes I had,

And the desire to become someone.”

 

A round of applause followed and people cheered,

“I had no one by me, no one knew where I had gone.

But don’t you think it’s a different thrill

When you’re making it happen all alone?”

 

“But Ma’am, that day you had all the reasons to give up,

To end your life then and there.

What kept you alive that lonely night?”

A question came up from the questionnaire.

 

“When we hate someone to the core,

Don’t we just kill them in our heads?

Stop thinking about their existence,

Like uprooting a weed from a garden.

 

I was the person I hated the most that night,

For falling weak, playing dumb and expecting,

And hence I killed myself, uprooted myself

But remembered to bring alive a new human being.

 

Everyone has a choice either to die or start from scratch,

Either to rest in peace or stay in peace with our minds,

And I just chose the path not trodden by many

I took the road less travelled by.”

 

A roar of applause, “Bravo!”, “God bless”,

were showered as she came down the dais,

The CEO of the established firm then autographed

The books held by her many admirers.

 

She wiped her eyes that night and looked up at the stars,

It was a night like this when God had given her the strength.

To take the road less travelled by,

And that had indeed made all the difference.

  

The Broken Pieces

I still remember the day I found you,

because that was the day I found myself.

You turned my world upside down,

It was a fairytale in which I dwelled.

 

I loved you much, much much more

Than I ever did love anything else.

Because you were the moon in my pitch dark sky

And the shooting star, that in my backyard, fell.

 

I didn’t even realize when I let down my guard,

And let you know me inside out.

I stood there with nothing but my naked heart

And never regretted or had a doubt.

 

I didn’t know why they said good things come to an end,

And all fairytales have a full stop.

Until the day it all changed and came crashing down

The bubble I resided in, did pop.

 

The reality hit us and hit us hard,

When we realized we could never be.

We were destined to break apart and forget what we had,

Become “Me” and “You” from “We”.

 

From then on, it’s been all about separation,

About letting you go but holding on to my heart.

About no more conversations, no more bringing smiles,

About being near the finishing line yet going back to the start.

 

It’s been some days, some months I think,

You’re gone only never to return.

The Sun has set, the chapter closed

But there are wounds which still pain and burn.

 

I have moved on, at least I think I have,

Though at times I miss you by my side.

“How you would have reacted”, “What you would have thought”,

Your laughter and the way you cried.

 

At times I see our pictures, our moments together

And I’m reminded of the memories we made.

Yes you’re gone, your absence does hurt

But in my mind, you will never fade.

 

There will be a day I will get over you,

I’ll be able to think without you in mind.

I will laugh whole heartedly, I’ll smile without pain

And someone worth I will be able to find.

 

I’m grateful to you for making me who I am,

For making me fall, head down.

For helping me grow stronger than I was before,

For helping me place back my crown.

 

For breaking me into pieces with your last goodbye,

For waking me up from my dreams.

For showing me that I could stand alone too,

Even though you hit me on my knees.

 

I’m sure there’ll be someone who’ll join back my broken pieces,

Who’ll bring back the life in me.

But thanks for everything mate, seriously thanks,

For being a beautiful chapter in my life’s story…

 

 

Being Her!

Yes I am a Girl. A girl of the Indian society. A girl unfortunately living in a time when being a girl is probably the unluckiest thing you can be.

As soon as the news about the molestation of girls on New Year’s Eve spread and reached my ears, I thought, “Yeah right! This is how you want to start a 365 page book. With the 1^st page saying “I molested a girl. I groped someone’s sister. I forcefully kissed someone’s daughter. I stole her off her dignity. I treated her like a piece of shit. Yes I did. And I did it with no regrets.””

Girls have forever been blamed and held responsible for such acts. “Why were you out so late? Why were you wearing such short clothes? Why were you hanging out with boys?” My only question to all of them is “Why so many questions? Why so many “Whys”?” Every single person whether a boy or girl has the right to live their lives in the way they want to. Every person who raises a question against their lifestyle is to be blamed. Everyone who shows curiosity or pokes their nose into their business is the criminal. The people who do such shameful crimes don’t look for girls in mini skirts. A girl is a girl, whether in shorts or clad in a burqa. But if people still have a problem then ask the ones in salwar suits if they’ve never been touched inappropriately. And then ask yourself “What was their mistake?”

The root cause of such mishappenings is not the girls but the Boys. And this is not with respect to all the boys of our nation. In fact such molesters and rapists bring shame to that male community who fights for women rights, development and safety. The way boys in our country are brought up, the way they are always considered superior, the way most of them are given freedom to experiment and explore which is not the case for most girls is the problem. They’re never questioned if they hang around with a lot of girls or roam in shorts.  But seriously, who’s to blame? The Western culture? Or the heroes in movies who go around hitting on girls? Each and everything plays a small role in creating a certain mindset of people. The worst part is when you realize that the people involved are not illiterate or uneducated. They are very much a part of the privileged educated society. But is this what we’re teaching them? To stand in a pitch dark lane only to force oneself on a girl? This ultimately raises questions on our education system.

The one major issue we have to ponder over is Why do girls have to fight even for their basic rights? For our right to stay safe. At least in our own homes, streets, country. Why do we have to fight to go out, see the world, wear what we want to, do what we like to. Why do we have to fight for respect. For peace?

Girls are as good as boys if not better today. They stand shoulder to shoulder in anything and everything. You name it and I’ll find a girl who can do it. And mind you, all these achievements have also come after a lot of struggle and fights.

The questions will remain. People will talk. There will be promises made. And ultimately there’ll be silence again. There will still be such molestations and rapes and the CCTVs will again be ashamed to capture horrific incidents on them. All I have to say is that maybe the fire will be put out or quietened by authorities and politicians but let not the spark die. Let not the past remain just past. Let not the cries and screams fade away from our ears.

If all that girls can do is fight, we will. Even if no one stands beside us, we won’t bow down. Even if it requires us to speak up. Even if it wants us to slap them. Girls will help girls. Boys will help girls. Against those animals who worship Mary and who worship Durga but think it is cool to torture girls. This fight will go on. Until there’s peace at last. Until the criminals are hanged and no successors are born. Until girls are treated as girls and not objects.  Until that New Year’s Eve when another girl walking on the streets knows that it’s going to be a happy new beginning and nothing else…

 

When you rise above fear..!

My friends recited these incidents to me:-

 “I still remember that day when the poster inviting students to participate in the solo singing competition was put up on the notice board. I remember going through it, imagining myself standing there and singing and almost immediately bursting that bubble and walking off. The one and only reason – FEAR. If I had participated, it could have meant a beginning to my dreams..”

“I remember my science teacher asking us if anyone could explain the Newton’s Laws. I knew it. I knew it very well. But the first thing I looked at was my class and almost immediately FEAR got the better of me. I didn’t raise my hand and an average guy who explained it in bits and pieces got applause from the teacher.”

“The College called all those who were interested in Cricket for selections. I couldn’t go. The only reason – “What if I don’t hold the bat properly? What if I get out for a duck?” In simple words – FEAR. I let go of my biggest dream only to later repent my choice..””

 What I noticed in all the three of them was regret. The thought of “If only I had stood up that day..” or “ If only I showed a little bit more courage..”

This is what fear does to us. The fear of being laughed at. The fear of being mocked. The fear of not justifying the act. And the fear of being judged. And in the process of trying to save one’s dignity at that moment we sometimes end up giving up on life’s best opportunities.

How many of us wouldn’t have told our parents about our dreams and goals just because of fear? How many of us wouldn’t have approached someone who we liked just because we were scared? How many of us didn’t stand up at important moments and said “Try me”? When we think about it deeply, every single day we do something or don’t due to cowardice.

Fear is not bad at all times. Fear helps us stay on the right path. Fear of losing one’s sanity. Fear of doing someone wrong. For some, fear of God or parents. But fear at moments which decide our future or change our lives only leads to disappointment.

The only thing that we need to understand at such crucial moments is that there are always two sides as to what can happen. Things might work out. Things might not. But if we never try due to fear of losing, we will never know. It is always important to prepare oneself for failure but also hold on to the fact that a single defeat does not mean the end of the world. However big or small it may be. Everything we want lies on the other side of fear. And once we comprehend this, nothing can ever bring us down. Always remember, Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will.

And so the next time, let this be the conversation in your mind:-

“I’m scared. I can’t do it. This is not my thing.”

“This is Fear. And remember love, Fear is only temporary but Regret lasts forever..”

 

 

 

 

WHEN WE FIGHT JUST TO MAKE UP…

A gloomy cloudy morning sky had already left us feeling dull and totally unenthusiastic when all of a sudden like the eruption of a volcano, started a fight between my Mom and me. Like always it began with a tiny little issue but it soon progressed to a big issue if you know how such fights proceed. I went away to my room to avoid listening to my mother. In my heart, I felt I had won. Feeling proud that I had been able to keep my point, I looked up at the sky wishing that the Sun came out and all dramatically, I could actually feel victorious. But Alas! It didn’t. Things did not end there. My Mom entered my room, we spoke again and the fight soon went down the “Emotional” road. There were tears and a lot of explaining and understanding and at last, there was silence. If there had been an Umpire standing there observing the discussion, he would have definitely called the 3^rd, 6^th and 9^th Umpires by now to decide who was out in the game.

We did not say anything to each other for a pretty long time until guilt overpowered the anger in the both of us. Guilt of the way we had spoken to each other, guilt of the misunderstandings we had created and guilt of the fact that we had ruined our Sunday. We both were dying to talk to each other but none was ready to bow down and accept defeat or even accept “Cease Fire”! Until something unexpected happened. Something made me walk out of my room and towards the kitchen when I saw my Mom walking towards my room. And then out of nowhere, my Mom hugged me and we cried in each others’ arms until our heavy hearts felt lighter. We both said “Sorry”, we both promised to change ourselves in certain ways and make an effort to keeping each other happier. And guess what happened then! The Sun shone like a King and all dramatically it said we both had won:)

True love is weird. It is complicated. In relationships bound by true love, you never can walk away by fighting or misunderstanding the other person. It is all about accepting the flaws, the cons and the weaknesses of your partner. And most weirdly, fights in such relationships only increase the love we have for each other. They make us realize how one should sometimes learn to compromise and that sometimes you need to place the person you love above you. It is healthy at times to let out what you have inside for the other person, whether love or anger. I truly believe that these feelings can be shared by you only when you truly love a person. Parents scold their kids because they love them and want to mould them into better citizens. Although we don’t see it at all times, this is the purest form of love ❤ We have a certain kind of authority over the ones we love and care about. A certain kind of possessiveness and the will to make that person come up better in his life.

I think that a little bit of discussion, a little bit of criticism and honesty in a relationship is a key to keeping it healthy. The discussions and arguments are not meant to be won by a person but are only to make the other person realize where he can make an effort to improve himself. And that’s why these fights happen only to later make up:’)

Decoding Life!

 

You are a person who has always given love, never gotten any. You are selfless, you are unconditional and you have a got a big heart. If there’s anyone who knows this fact it’s you. You don’t need anyone or everyone to know it.

The world. It has a billion people. Losing a few doesn’t mean the end. There are still billions waiting to be discovered by you, known by you. Sometimes when things don’t work between people, it is because they have differences that cannot be resolved and they are just not meant to be. But those who are meant to be in your life fit in like a jigsaw puzzle and complete your life. Never go looking out for such people. When they come, they will stay and be there when you need them. You don’t have to search for them.

When you think of it, being a part of this society is not easy. It is definitely a task which requires you to be brave, sometimes be stone-hearted but sometimes feel. It is a task which makes you laugh at times, makes you cry at times. It tests your patience, it tests you. And you end up with a question in mind – “Do I even belong here?” Even after all the struggles, all tests and all the stress if you’ve come this far and held your head high, you ought to be proud. And trust the fact that you belong here and deserve to be here.

Never compare yourself. Never do. Everyone has a different meaning of success. Everyone has a different meaning of failure. Everyone has different limits and everyone has different SITUATIONS and REASONS. By comparing yourself, you not only degrade yourself but also degrade the work of God as he has created you( Atheists, please ignore). Not only are the fingerprints of the billion people different, the identity of each person is unique too. Sometimes we question our uniqueness or the various ways in which we are different. We might not be proud of some differences but you know what, all the flaws and the strengths blend together to make you.

Love yourself. Even if you are hyperactive. Even if you are too shy. Even if you are fat. Even if you are skinny. Even if you have. Even if you don’t. Love yourself. Because only when you do, can you make others love you. The world today is in search of real people, not those who exist in layers, in veils.

I read somewhere that timing is everything. If anything in this world is supposed to happen, it will. But at the right time and for the right reasons. Believe in this. Believe in you. Believe in the way this universe works.

Nothing is ever decided. You never can know how long you will live. Where you will go. Who you will meet. But what you do know is your present. As the clock ticks, our lives change. Every moment in this world, someone is born, someone dies. Someone marries, someone divorces. Someone celebrates, someone mourns. Someone learns, someone doesn’t. But every moment, things change. Nothing is permanent. And when you realize and comprehend that nothing is permanent, why do you think things in our life would be? Our feelings. Our situations. Our states. Our looks. Nothing is going to be permanent.

Life is a four letter word but how long does it take us to realize what it is? Some of us are still trying to decode it. It is simple yet complicated. Understandable yet incomprehensible. Can be defined yet has no definite meaning. So, what is life?

Life is a chance mate. A single chance. To make yourself. To change yourself. Or to break yourself. We spend our entire life making plans, having dreams, setting future goals. But you never know if you’re going to live to see that day. Remember, life is all about finding yourself yet losing yourself in the process. Life is all about being you. Even if it means being weird, lame, dumb, hyper, mad or whatsoever. Embrace the glorious mess you are.

Everyone makes mistakes. It’s okay to feel bad and ask yourself ‘What the hell did I just do?’ But never repent anything you did. If you realize, the dumb mistakes we make in the past are the ones that make us laugh even today. They shape us. They make us. Even if you felt embarrassed. Even if you made a fool out of yourself. It’s okay. We are not here to be perfect, right?

Stop running. Behind people. Behind feelings. Behind things. Behind anything. If anything is meant to stay in your life, it will. With people, it works like this. Set them free. If they are meant to be with you or deserve a place in your life, they will make an effort to be there. To stay there. Right there in your heart. And if they don’t, accept the fact that they were never meant to be there in the first place. You just stuffed them in unknowingly.

Remember all this and you’ll never feel hurt again. Unburden yourself. Love yourself. You are amazing.